On the Importance of Listening to your Kids

Being a child isn't as easy as it seems. The majority of their time is spent playing with their friends and siblings, learning in school and listening to their parents. But once in a while - life can seem overwhelming and exhausting to these little people.

Today, one of my daughter's couldn't get out of bed. Although she was suffering from a mild cold, this wasn't the reason why she refused to get out of bed. Physically, she was quite capable. But, emotionally, she was defeated.

I'm not sure why she was feeling that way. It could have been a result of our very active Sunday. Cole had gymnastics lessons and Amelie and Chloe had Ballet. We played different games together and listened to music. At 5:00, the girls came with Scott and I to our Salsa lessons. They had a great time playing Trouble/Frustration with another little girl who was there.  All in all, it felt like a really fun day for all of us. But, it didn't end on a good note.

Last night before bed, something changed. Chloe threw a bit of a tantrum. This doesn't happen very often, so when it does I know somethings up. I managed to calm her down by truly listening to her and giving her some space. She talked about the difficulty that she's having with the "separation" and that she misses her father and me all the time. She also talked about school being too long and difficult and that she wanted more time to do things that she likes--rather then school work. And, she talked about the pain that she has in her neck and her back (a misalignment that we confirmed at CHEO before Christmas). After listening to her and calming her down, I snuggled with her until she fell asleep to make sure she got a full nights rest. But, in the morning she claimed that she didn't get a wink of sleep and that she couldn't possibly go to school. So, I decided to keep her home.

I think one of the most important things a parent can do is to truly listen to their child. And, if possible, do something that will demonstrate to your child that you've heard them...and that they can have some control/responsibility over their life. By keeping Chloe home this morning, I hope that she realizes that her emotions are real and worth feeling. And, she'll understand that she can take some time for herself when she needs it.

All too often kids don't know how to listen to their heart and express themselves. And, as a result of not dealing with their emotions they end up acting-out or misbehaving. When Chloe opens up with me, and tells me what's in her heart, I'm so thankful that she can communicate it to me--rather then keep it inside. And, if I help her resolve those feelings she'll start to see that most things can be tackled straight on. And, in the long run, I hope that these conversations will give her the tools she needs to understand and trust herself...and to shape her own life.

When you are six years old, I'm sure that sometimes it feels like you can't make a difference in your own life. I see it as one of my jobs to make them realize that THEY are the key to their own happiness. So, they need to listen to themselves and try to understand what will make them happy.

And, if I hear any of my kids say they are bored...one...more...time...I'm going to scream! :) Maybe this revelation can be another 2010 resolution.